Sailor Moon Requiem : Redux
by Raziel12
Summary: Hotaru struggles to cope as the shadows of the past close in on her. Who was she before, and more importantly, what is becoming?
1. Chapter 1

Sailor Moon Requiem Redux 01 : Underworld Dreams 

Hotaru liked to dream. Not because she hated her real life. On the contrary she loved it. But when she dreamed she saw other things, felt other things. In her dreams she knew what it was like to love, to raise children, to die.

But most of all she loved the people she met in her dreams. They were never more than shadows, flickering shapes like the crimson spots that darted across her closed eyelids when she stared too long at the sun.

Sometimes, after her dreams, she'd wake up and she'd be smiling, or crying, or sometimes a little bit of both, and she was never sure why. Her dreams weren't always good though. She had nightmares as well, about twisting shadows and a deep, hungry darkness that seemed to know every last thing about her.

She never screamed when she had nightmares. Instead she'd wake up, her chest tight with fear, and try not to cringe as the trees rustling outside her window cast insane silhouettes across her wall. But she was never afraid for long. Each time she woke like that, even when she was older, Setsuna would always be there, with her calming touch and cold, yet oddly compassionate crimson eyes.

The nightmares had become less frequent as she'd grown older. In a way though, she was a little sad to see them go because it meant the end of Setsuna's little visits. Lately though, the nightmares have come back and they are much more real. They seem less like the fevered wanderings of her mind, and more like distant memories, best left forgotten…

_The rain had come in fat, wet drops that soaked swiftly through her thin, ragged cloak and clung like liquid icicles to her skin. A harsh, tearing wind ripped past her and threatened to sweep her off her feet and into the dank mud that swirled around her ankles._

_She had to find shelter and soon. There were lights up ahead, a small village, maybe, if she could reach it then… _

_Then what?_

_They'd kick her out most likely, like every other village she'd ever come across. Freak they called her. They were afraid of her, and she didn't even know why. It wasn't like she killed anyone. She just happened to see, to feel the presence of death. If only she could keep her mouth shut, then no one would ever have known. Instead she'd tried to warn people and when they didn't listen and ended up dead, they blamed her for it._

_But it's not like she has a choice. She hasn't eaten for days and she has a hollow, rattling cough that can't possibly be good. Even if they throw her out, even if they treat her like garbage, she still needs to get out of the rain._

_Each step seems to take forever and her legs scream with the effort of pulling free of the mud and grime that the rain has washed free of the ground. Up ahead she can see a shape blocking the path. From the long black cloak and polished armour she would guess a soldier._

_It takes her several more minutes to reach him and she tries to slip by without too much fuss. Soldiers have never been very kind to her. Suddenly his hand snakes out and grabs her shoulder. His grip is firm, but not hard and oddly pleasant, and it suddenly strikes her how pathetic she is, for a simple touch to affect her so much. But no one's touched her in a long time, except to hit her._

"_You're too young to be out in a storm like this."_

_His voice is kind and she looks up searching for some sign of deceit. His eyes are a soldier's eyes, cool but honest, and he points to small tower not far away._

"_We'll get you dried out first and then think about getting you something to eat."_

_Tears prickle her eyes and she stifles a sob. Why is he being so nice to her?_

"_Come on," the soldier says as he leads her towards the tower. "My name is Ralevon, what's yours?"_

_She struggles for a moment. She's never had a name, not a real one, given to her by people who loved her. All she has are insults and so she picks the least painful of these and whispers it, hoping he won't ask her about it._

"_They call me Silence."_

_He blinked for a moment but smiled and lifted her up into his arms. _

"_Well, Silence," he said. "Can you tell me what a seven year old girl is doing out in this weather?"_

_She blushes and tries to look away. He laughs and whistling carries her the rest of the way to the tower._

It takes her a few moments to realise where she is and when she does, she sighs. The dream had been so real. She frowned and tried to concentrate, to burn the soldier's features into her mind. It hadn't been like a dream at all, it had been, she mused, more like a memory.

"Hotaru."

She turned and blinked as the door eased open and light spilled in from the corridor. Setsuna leans in and her expression shows just the slightest bit of concern.

"I heard you cry out in your sleep, are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Setsuna," Hotaru replied. She stopped calling her Setsuna-mama a long time ago, it just felt… wrong somehow.

The older woman frowned and stepped into the room. "Are you sure?"

Hotaru can't help but laugh. None of the others have seen Setsuna like this, a tad fretful, trying as hard as she can to keep her concern hidden. It was odd to see the normally unflappable older woman looking more than a little unsettled.

"I'm fine, all right."

"If you're sure," Setsuna said before she turned to close the door. "Sleep well."

Just as quickly as that she was gone and Hotaru strained to catch the faint, quiet footfalls of the older woman as she walked back to her own bedroom. But as she listened for the footsteps, she hear something else, another sound, so faint that she was tempted to dismiss it.

Setsuna was whistling and the tune seemed oddly familiar even though Hotaru couldn't quite place it. As she fell asleep once more it finally occurred to her where she had heard it.

Funny, she thought, the soldier had whistled that same tune.

X X X X

Author's Notes

Those of you who are reading this and have also read Sailor Moon Requiem may be struck by the similarities between the two. This is not a coincidence. In fact, this story is a reworking of Requiem. Frankly, although I loved that story I wasn't happy with how it was going. It had become very difficult to write and I found that I had lost the "voice" of the characters. You readers deserve better than that. So, I decided to go back to the drawing board. There will of course be differences between this story and Requiem, which is inevitable. But I hope that I have managed to maintain the same "flavour" as with the other story.

As always, I would appreciate any feedback that you guys can offer and I'd be more than happy to respond to any further queries as to why Requiem has, effectively, kicked the bucket.

On a side note, my computer seems to have cheerfully deleted over half of Sailor Moon Reflections. Luckily for me it's on so I can just download it back. Never let it be said that isn't useful.


	2. Chapter 2

Sailor Moon Requiem Redux 02 : Crimson Veil 

"So, what do you think Toshida-sensei is going to have us do today?"

Hotaru didn't turn to look, the words weren't addressed to her, but she did listen carefully for the answer. She didn't like PE much, and not just because she'd never been very good at it. There was something about it that always brought out the worst in people.

In English or Math, the worst she ever had to worry about was the occasional snide remark or whispered insult. PE on the other hand gave some people the perfect opportunity to express their, she mulled over the word for a moment, dislike.

"All right everybody, gather round." Toshida-sensei's words echoed through the gym as she strode in from the far side, carrying a basketball under each arm.

Hotaru smiled despite herself. She liked basketball, which might have seemed a little odd at first. However her Haruka-papa had always been a big fan, and one of her earliest memories was curling up beside the blonde and watching NBA until her Michiru-mama came in and told them both to get some sleep.

Even when she'd gotten older she'd still liked to watch. There was something almost magical about the players as they ducked and dodged and soared across the court. She wished she could do that, without having to become Saturn that is.

"Tomoe," Toshida-sensei's asked. "Can you play?"

As always a low murmur ran through the class as they waited to see whether or not she would say yes. For the most part, they were concerned, because they had all seen her collapse or faint at least once. Others, though, were more worried about whether or not she'd slow up the game, or worse still, get it called off.

"Yes."

"All right," Toshida-sensei said. "You girls get warmed up, I've got to finish a little paperwork and then we'll see if we can get some half-court started."

Hotaru found a small corner out of the way to do her stretches. Sometimes she wondered why she even bothered. She's always been quite flexible. It was stamina that had always been the problem, or rather, her lack of it.

Out of the corner of her eyes she watched the other girls. Sometimes she envied them, sometimes she hated them but most of the time she felt… apathetic. Yes, that was the right word, apathetic, just the sound of it in her mouth made her smile. Still, some of them were very nice. They'd share their notes in class and say hi when they saw each other between classes or out of school.

Some of the others just avoided her. She could see it in their eyes when they turned away. Freak. But she didn't mind them. Being alone never bothered her. No, what bothered her were the girls who wrote nasty things on her locker, or on the walls of bathrooms, or who waited till the teacher left the room before moving in on her.

"All right girls," Toshida-sensei reappeared from her office at the far side of the gym. "Let's get a game started."

X X X X

"Nice shot, Tomoe."

Hotaru turned and flashed Toshida-sensei a ghost of a smile. She might not be able to run, but she could shoot, and pretty well too. It might be because of all that practise with her Haruka-papa and Makoto, but she liked to think it came from her experience as a magical girl. Although, and she smiled at the thought, if that were the case then Usagi should have been absolutely fantastic with a Frisbee or baton.

Her musing were cut short when the next set of play started. It went well at first, and she was about to set herself for another shot when one of the other girls, Chihiro barrelled into her. The impact knocked her off her feet and onto her back and she felt pain shoot up her side. Above her she could see Chihiro's grinning face and hear Toshida-sensei's enraged call of "foul".

"What's the matter, Tomoe," Chihiro whispered with a grin as she bent to help Hotaru stand. "Can't get up?"

The rest of the game didn't go so well after that. Whenever Hotaru got the ball, Chihiro was always there. A little nudge here, a little kick of the foot there, and Hotaru found herself on the ground, more often than not.

It would have been easy for her to burst into tears after the game, but she wouldn't give Chihiro the satisfaction. Still, it was hard, very hard, not to cry when she heard the spectators murmuring to themselves.

Clumsy girl.

Loser.

By the time she got to the change room she felt… not angry… just… empty. As if everything inside of her was just gone. Is this what it feels like to give up, she wondered, to just stop caring?

Chihiro was waiting for her in the change rooms and she managed to get three or four steps before the other girl kicked her feet out from under her. She looked up into the other girl's eyes and felt that emptiness grow just a little bit bigger inside of her.

"What's the matter, Tomoe?" Chihiro taunted. "You just going to take it like a dog?"

Before Hotaru could get up, Chihiro kicked her. Hard. For a moment Hotaru's whole world went dark, before everything went the sweet, sweet red of blood and pain. But Chihiro didn't stop there. She kicked her again, and again and the last thing Hotaru heard were the screams of the other girls as they either ran for Toshida-sensei or pleaded with Chihiro to stop.

Darkness.

X X X X

"_Ravelon!"_

_Something inside of her dies when she sees the soldier fall, a sword sticking out of his chest. They'd surprised him, stabbed him from behind because they'd never have been able to kill him otherwise. His own men and they'd betrayed him._

"_Don't waste your breath girl," one of the other soldiers said. "He's not worth it."_

_She pulled away from the hands holding her back and ran over to Ravelon's side. The soldier was still alive somehow, his breath coming in short, gurgling rasps._

"_Silence…"_

_She bent down, the tears already coursing down her cheeks and tried to stop the blood pouring out of his chest. _

"_Don't…" he whispered, as he caught one of her hands in his. "Just… just run."_

"_Run…?" he was dying and her just wanted her to leave him. "What do you mean?"_

"_They'll kill you too," he said. "They'll kill you…"_

"_No," she whispered as he fell silent, the light already fading from his eyes. "No…"_

"_You should have listened to him," one of the other soldiers said with a cold, cold smile. "We can't have any witnesses, now can we?"_

_Trembling she backed away from Ravelon's body and tripped over his sword. Her hands shook as she lifted the blade and turned it towards the other soldiers._

"_You know how to use that girl?"_

_She swallowed a sob and lifted the sword a little higher. Ever since that day he'd found her, Ravelon had looked out for her. He'd taught her everything he knew, even how to use a sword, and she was grateful for that now. _

_But somehow she couldn't seem to focus, couldn't seem to take her eyes off his body. She kept hearing his voice in her head, telling her to run, to get out of there. But she couldn't, she couldn't. They killed him and they couldn't just be allowed to get away with it._

_Her tears slowed and finally stopped as emptiness filled her. Ravelon had told her about this. The emptiness that comes with experience, that lets a man kill and kill and kill and yet never feel a thing until afterwards. She embraced it and let it fill every corner of her soul. _

_Deep inside she felt something else as well, something she hadn't felt for a long time. It was the silken touch of death, rustling like fabric against her skin. In the past it had told her who was going to die, but now, now it whispered in her ears to take matters into her own hands. _

_No, she thought fiercely, I won't… I… and she remembered Ravelon's words about never killing out of anger and yet… yet the voice was so familiar and something hot and cold at the same time filled her veins, like frozen star fire._

_No…_

"_Kill her."_

_A sword whistled through the air towards her head and she felt her own blade shudder painfully in her hands as she blocked the strike._

_Use me… the voice in her head whispered… use me…_

_No…_

"_Kill her!"_

_Another blow, another strike and she cried out as a sword cut into the flesh of her thigh. Still she defended, stumbling backwards as the voice inside her head screamed louder and louder._

_Use me… use me…_

"_No!" she screamed dropping her sword and grabbing her head. "No!"_

_She barely heard the laughter of the other soldiers as they surrounded her. All she could hear was the voice in her head screaming and screaming for release. She'd heard it before, whispering to her in her dreams, and when she was younger she'd heard it telling her who would die but she'd never heard it like this… never imagined it could be like this._

_They killed him… it whispered… make them pay… use me… use me…_

"_No," she whispered sobbing. "No…"  
_

_They'll kill you and the no one will ever know what they did… no one will care… no one… use me… set the wrong things right…_

_Images flashed through her mind of all the kindness that Ravelon had shown her. It was wrong for him to die like that, wrong for him to be betrayed by his own men, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong…_

"_Kill her."_

_Use me…_

_No…_

_Yes._

_Violet… black… silence… death._

_Violet light erupted from her skin, sheathing her in writhing strands of purple radiance as her hands clenched into fists. Gone was the fear in her eyes, gone was the sorrow, all that was left was emptiness. _

"_You're dead." She whispered the words without emotion, felt nothing except for the glorious strength thundering through her veins. _

_The soldier nearest to her died in an explosion of gore as strands of violet power lashed into his body and tore him apart. As the others scattered, suddenly afraid, she followed. She caught one by the arm and turned him to face her before she smashed his face in. She tossed the body aside and moved onto the next, streamers of energy cleaving through any of the soldiers foolish enough to stand and fight instead of run._

_She caught up with the rest of them not far away. The ribbons of power shimmered and died and she stood, facing them, her face devoid of any emotion. Slowly she began to walk forward. _

_Why had she never seen it before, she wondered. They were weak. In her eyes she could see every flaw, every hint of frailty in their bodies. They were flesh and bone, and she could destroy that, she could rip and tear and kill. And so she did._

_She glided beneath one sword slash and her palm whipped up. The man's face collapsed in on itself as she kicked his knees, shattering them both before crushing his throat. Terrified the others rushed her all at once and everything else dropped away as she ducked and weaved and killed and killed and killed._

_And then… and then it all just stopped…_

_The voice in her head… the power…_

_Everything…_

_Just gone…_

_She dropped to her knees and looked around her, as if only now realising what she had done. Her stomach clenched and she was violently sick. She'd killed them, she killed them all and worse she'd liked it._

"_Ravelon," she whispered as she crawled past the mangled bodies of the other soldiers and over to the only person who'd ever given a damn about her. "What have I done?"_

_But only the silence answered and it whispered in her mind, softly and quietly. Murderer._

X X X X

Hotaru's eyes fluttered open in time to see Chihiro raise her foot for another kick. In a moment everything became crystal clear. She would not be able to avoid the kick so instead she curled her body, throwing herself onto the foot to absorb the impact.

For a moment the other girl looked surprised but Hotaru merely met her gaze, her own eyes empty, and threw her weight violently to one side. Chihiro's ankle snapped like a twig and Hotaru was on top of her before she could even scream.

Before she knew what she was doing her fist smashed into the other girl's face and Chihiro let out a high, terrified wail, which turned into a bloody gurgle as Hotaru hit her again and again and again.

To Hotaru, the silence was deafening. She could see the other girls screaming, could see their mouths open and close and she could feel the dull thump of her knuckles on Chihiro's face. But all she could hear in her head was silence.

She saw the light begin to fade from Chihiro's eyes and she heard the silence screaming louder and louder for her to finish it. Slowly she raised one hand and prepared to bring it down, not on the face, but on the throat. It would be so easy.

And then it hit her, the enormity of what she'd done and she looked at her hands. They were covered with blood. Chihiro's blood.

No… she thought as she stumbled off the other girl… no… no…

"No!" The scream is torn from her throat.

And in her head the silence laughed. Got you, it said. Again.

X X X X

Author's Notes

Well, that was… odd. Those of you who have read Requiem might be more than a little disturbed by the changes in this chapter. On the other hand, I think it makes a great deal more sense. I wanted to give more of Saturn's background and I think Ravelon has let me do that. He would have been introduced eventually, but by introducing him earlier, I think the story is better served. And don't worry, if it seems like he just came in and died, don't be too concerned, I will be filling in the blanks about him and Silence in later chapters.

As always, let me say how nice feedback is. Please, do tell me what you think, because, believe it or not, I really do read all of your reviews. If any of you have any questions, or suggestions, just drop me a line.

And by the way, Requiem is, officially dead in its current form. Long live Redux.


End file.
